A Sigh of Relief

I know I have posted on here before about the hole in my ear that will not heal. A couple of months ago, my Dr. made the call that a surgery was needed to repair it, while I DID not want this surgery, I gave in to it, knowing the consequences of not having it were far worse than actually having it. So, when the time came, I went to go have the standard blood work and chest x-ray done. The next day I get a call from the Dr.'s office. The nurse says, "We need to you go redo your blood work because it came back, abnormal." ME: "What does that mean, abnormal?" Nurse: "Oh just something in your CBC came back strange." So I'm trying not to freak out, hurry and get Lauren and I ready and go back to the hospital for one more test. Spend the rest of the day googling "abnormal CBC", then the Dr. Calls. Dr.: "Sorry for all the blood work we are having you do, but as it turns out your white blood count is low, so I'm cancelling the surgery, because you body will not heal correctly with your count so low. I have already spoken to a specialist who feels it is some type of virus in your system causing this. But until we know for sure, no surgery." Me: "Is this something to be worried about?" Dr. "No, I don't think so." So there I was, trying not to worry, googling low white blood count, and becoming increasingly, well, worried. I called the "Specialist" who as it turned out is an Oncologist/Hematologist. (I was only a little shocked about this, because a friend had been through a similar situation.) But still, it never feels good to have an appointment with an Oncologist.

I wait the week out until my appointment, where they take 9 vials of blood to check for everything under the moon. Meet with the Dr. who explains the possibilities for the low WBC, does a physical exam and I'm sent on my way, and told not to worry. (As a side note, my WBC had gone up slightly since the week before.) A week passes and I go back to see the Dr. More blood work (only one vile) he meets with me IN THE HALL, and tells me I have low B-12, I get a shot and I am told to come back next week. Not a lot of information exchanged (WBC is up slightly again) but I am feeling a bit better, after all it could be a lot worse.

Next week comes. (And I will leave out the details of the blond moment I had and how I showed up on the wrong day!) Doug meets met at the office as he has for every appointment, but this time I had to take Lauren so he stayed out in the waiting room with her. I go back, by myself. The Dr. : "So your WBC was down again lower than it was originally." He goes on to explain how all the other test ran came back normal, except the B-12 and since the B-12 shot the WBC has gone down he feels the next step is a bone marrow biopsy. Me: "To test for leukemia?" Dr. : "Yes it does test for that, but it test for other things as well. At this stage we just need to rule everything out." At this point, I began to worry. Again. I had the procedure done, which I will spare the details of except to say, it is very painful. I was taught how to give my B-12 injections at home and sent on my way.

So needless to say, Easter weekend for Doug and I was not exactly what it could have been. I was very distracted and to be honest often in prayer. In prayer for my health, in prayer for my Dad's health, in prayer for the health of strangers (who I have been reading about on various blogs.) I have been taught so much about prayer, leaning on God, trusting in God over these last few months. First, because of my Dad. Second, because of my own health issues. And finally through the testimonies of so many of those strangers I just referred to. So many times I prayed for peace and received it. So many times I asked for clarity and received it. So many times I have asked for good news and received it. Yesterday I found out my bone marrow is completely normal. Praise be to God. Next step, ear surgery and more B-12!

Now I am asking for God to be with my Dad and to heal him. He is scheduled for surgery on May 8th. Please join me in praying for him. I have asked big things from a God who has already given everything and yet, He keeps giving.

I have been very reflective over the past month. Trying to understand God's great love, grace, charity. And I have concluded it's not really something I have to understand, only something I have to accept. And that is my goal. To everyday accept all of these things and in return, try to give them back. I have learned to lean not on my own understandings and to accept God's will. And while I know all of these things to be true, it is an everyday struggle to accept it for what it is. I am but a broken, sinning human, put back together by and wiped clean by God's Holy love and sacrifice. And with that I give a big sigh of relief.